I have been a food addict for as long as I can remember. As a small child, my parents had to stop me from eating entire boxes of crackers and cookies. By the time I was 26 years old, I was almost 300 pounds and full of shame. One earnest prayer changed everything. I found recovery for the first time with a different food addiction program. But like many addicts, I strayed. Years of abstinence did not protect me from taking the first compulsive bite. I spent 7 years in a cycle of addiction/restriction. I lost and gained the same 50 pounds several times. As much as I wanted to stop, eating was the only way I knew how to manage the fear and regret that ruled my life.
At some point, I could no longer muster the "restriction" part of the cycle. I also found it difficult to moderate any carbohydrates. Even "healthy" carbs triggered cravings and obsession. The ketogenic diet helped, but without accountability I continuously faltered and binged. I made honest attempts at other 12 step programs, but could not find lasting abstinence.
In February 2019, I was introduced to Pastor Mark through an online support group. He showed me how to use the Carb Manager to calculate macros and plan ketogenic meals. Mark helped me start working on the Steps. Sharing my Carb Manager gave me accountability. Connecting with other sugar and carb addicts kept me out of self-deception and isolation.
Abstinence has relieved me of about 40 pounds (size 16/18 to a size 10/12). Today I do not have sugar or starch cravings. Fear and regret still bother me daily, but they no longer rule my every move. I can honestly say that I would not trade my worst days in recovery for my best days in active addiction.